Just there are different instances or different people step in to do different things.

Period. So it's not, you know I don't think it's revolutionary. It's just like is there an opportunity. Can you contribute. Step in. Yeah. That's not revolutionary. It's common.

People do it every day.

When you see someone try to cross the street and you're stopping because everyone else is,

you know, driving right past them. That's something common. That's love. That's compassion that counts.

You know, you pay for somebody. What so many ways to be in living compassion with human beings in our community.

Yeah. And every piece counts.

Hello. Welcome to. We're the Leaders. We're looking for a podcast from United Way of the Wine Country, produced with tech support and direction from Brandt, Hoekenga and TIV Branding. We are here to share the voices of our neighbors, changemakers and everyday leaders who are building a region rooted in belonging, resilience and justice. And I'm Lisa Carreño. I'm president and CEO of United Way of the Wine Country,

Thanks for joining us. And let's get started.

My guest today on this second episode of We're the leaders we're looking for is Laurie Fong, an educator, former principal of Montgomery High School, a former school board trustee for the City

of Santa Rosa Schools, and currently the president of the board of directors for the Asian American Pacific Islander Coalition in the North Bay.

This conversation with Laurie starts off with one of the most compelling descriptions of inheritance I think I've ever heard. Laurie talks about her family's generational wealth, not in financial terms, but in emotional stability and capacity. She points to her grandparents, her parents, the elders in her life and the generations that preceded her and them whose wisdom and resilience, whose stamina and creativity.

Whose compassion and knowledge of what it takes to create a life worth living are what contributed to her ability to show up as she does. As someone who, first and foremost, always believes that whoever it is she encounters is always trying to do their best, and she is just a facilitator for helping them to bring that to life.

It's just a gorgeous conversation. I hope you enjoy it.

Well, Laurie Fong, thank you so much for being here on this second episode. We're the leaders we're looking for.

I'm really grateful for your time and who you are. And, frankly, the hero that you are in our community. Thanks. I don't think anyone can say no to Lisa. I cannot say no to Lisa. Well, I don't know about that, but, I'm really grateful that you're here. Especially because, your journey, as, you know, educator, principal at Montgomery High School, school board trustee, activist in the women's community.

And now you're leading the Asian American Pacific Islander coalition through its start up here in Sonoma County. I just I just think you are doing amazing and magical things. So that's generous. You were you were one of the people that was top of the list. I really wanted to have a conversation with you. About leading from the heart.

From the heart mind as opposed to the head mind. And I hope the conversation that we have, you know, helps, illuminate for, folks who were listening that that this journey is true for them, too. They just maybe haven't seen it in themselves, or fully expressed it, in the ways that I see you courageously stepping into the leadership void.

So really, let's explore. All right. All right. Well, here's the first question. What story of your life reminds you why you do this work?

So immigrant family, right. Grandparents came over all the challenges, all the bravery, all the racism they faced.

Yet they provided for their family and their generation a stable, stable place to live and grow. They provided us. We talked about generational wealth. Right. We hear about generational wealth. And it's like in houses like that. But I think that these grandparents, all four of them, provided us a generational wealth in terms of emotional stability. And we don't we don't talk about that very much.

But their fortitude, their grit, their resilience, their refusal to be victims and to carry on anyway and to provide for others.

And raising their families and you know, okay, there's Chinese pressure, right? But raising their families to be, that kind of fortitude, grit, resilience, not be victims has given me a privilege, an absolute wealth of privilege and capacity to be able to, keep working. So, we talked about generational wealth, and that's usually in dollars and cents.

But we have to really count on that kind of emotional stability that, that, that they've given me. And I count that as a privilege. And I recognizing that it's beautiful. I don't think I've ever heard anybody identify cultural, generational wealth and define it in the way that you just did.

You feel like that's something that you're passing on to the generations that come after you. My daughters recognize it. Yeah.

That's cool. So let me just take this a little further. I don't know where you're going with this, but when I think about the capacity to lead and to give back, and when I think about where I could, for example, why can't more people lead and give back? I have to stop and think what has happened in their lives that they are working the very hard is they can, they are giving us the very best they can.

Getting into some best friends of mine, we grew up in the you know, we grew up together near Chinatown in San Francisco. They were my best childhood friends. It wasn't until we were 60 freakin years old before I found out that they had been.

Hit by parents regularly. We're not just talking slipper hit. We're talking brooms and hard things where you're getting beaten. Well, same kind of Chinese family and. It was a secret until we were 60 years old. There was shame and victimhood, and they had to work through this. So as they're working through this, what is their capacity to give?

What is their capacity to feel safe? So when they don't feel safe and they're not trusting because they're getting attacked or neglected, actually that was not just part of it. That impedes their capacity to take risks and to give back. I didn't I never had to deal with that. So my level of safety was I'm safe. I don't have to protect myself.

That's a huge thing. That's a gift that I appreciate every single day. And a little bit more far reaching. But I look at my students, all the students, thousands and thousands of students that they were taught or, you know, were in the school when they can't do their homework, when they can't behave themselves in the hallway, whatever.

When they get in fights, when they're attacking somebody or they're getting attacked. What has happened that they are protecting their own safety. To them that they are never telling anybody because you don't tell these things. You will tell the things that go on at home. It's very secret. That's, that's a cultural thing amongst many, many, many cultures, many families probably all families.

So then we, we, we hold these kids accountable for certain behaviors and we should but then we don't look behind. Why are they bringing a weapon to school? They're not bringing the weapon to school to hurt anybody. They're bringing the weapon to school to protect themselves after school or before school.

So then, you know, the latest thing that happened was that, you know, the death at Montgomery High School that I came into help take care of the school in the aftermath. Upset everyone. Every family was upset. Every kid was upset. Every staff member was upset and nobody was feeling safe. So how. And we blame. We blame the kid.

The. How can we blame the kid when it's poverty? Or class or racism? All those things get mixed up. And those children were just trying to protect themselves or create a family where maybe there wasn't a family. You know, we know all these things about gangs, all that kind of stuff. But always, always we look behind how is a person presenting themself and what is really behind that.

And you may never get that answer, ever. You may not, but all you can do is hand out your heart and hand out a safe place that you're safe here. You're safe with us. You dropped that heavy backpack at the door. You dropped that heavy burden at the door. And we love you. And we will teach you and will take care of you.

And then that kid's capacity can bloom.

So that was a lot in that first answer. No I love it though. I it that there's so much there's so much there. There's so much that's so rich there. I think I'm hearing. I'm hearing courage to show up with your cultural wealth.

And meet people where they are. I my summary. Well, I'm also hearing.

I'm reminded of, a conversation between Tara Brock and Father Gregory Boyle. And Father Gregory Boyle founded, Homeboy Industries down in L.A.. And Tara Brock has, a podcast. That she's been doing for more than a decade. And when they got together last spring for this conversation and she's asking him, you know, like, what's the secret sauce and hope at Homeboy Industries?

Because it's been incredibly successful, in its ministry to work with, the folks who are incarcerated and formerly incarcerated, folks who are in gangs and, and, and and trying to move away from gangs. And father, father Greg said a couple of things that I've never forgotten. And I've really tried to integrate into my own interactions with people over the last year or so.

That.

The message everybody should get when they're in Homeboy Industries is, first, you are cherished.

Because we're all better than who we are on our worst day.

You are cherished no matter.

Who or what you've done. And you belong.

In this space, no matter why or what's happened, you belong in creating that safety. Even though you don't know what the trauma is behind someone's fear or pain. Just creating that space. I think one on one, and certainly to try to create a whole school culture or community culture. It' a, it's a courageous and revolutionary act, and I just, I love it.

You know, the secret sauce is really unconditional love. Unconditional love for your children when you're raising your children wherever else as children, you're raising the community that you're helping to contribute to.

Yeah. I don't like what you did. Right. Yeah. You cross the line. But we love you anyway. And let's figure out what harm has been done. Let's how do we fix it? Yeah. Thank you, thank you, thank you for that.

When in your life have you had to pause, listen deeply and see with new eyes?

Okay. That means we have to be reflective, right? Okay. I think.

I think in my 30s, I had to stop being that good Chinese girl.

And into my 40s, completely compliant. Don't make waves.

You know, do as you're told. Cultural. Not only did it come from inside out.

You know I was never told this by parents. You just kind of absorb it. I don't know, you absorb it. And so there's that.

And then finally, as a leader in a in schools, people treated you like that when you weren't compliant and when you weren't just being smiling and affirming everybody else. And when you when you broke out of that role, people would question you. And it took me a little while to realize I was being questioned, because I think I had that persona and it allowed people to question me.

It allowed a space for people to say, what are you really trying to do here? Really. What do you really want? Why are you doing this? I don't think that's going to land well with some cellphones or whoever. When the white males that I've seen, as you know, who's come, who've come before me, they did not get questioned.

And in subsequent conversations with other women of color, they're, they're feeling the same thing. And so finally I had to stop being that I'm still polite try to be but I'm very blunt and I pull somebody aside and you know, this whole thing about courageous conversations or critical conversations, how do we speak to truth? How do we speak to, but not just truth?

That's not even the most important thing. The most important thing is how do we speak to that person and raise that person up, yet point out what harm that person has created without even knowing it? Speak to the assets acid base discussions. For example, if I never pulling aside a teacher, for example. Whose behavior I think was harmful to a child.

It's not about what that teacher did wrong, it's about how much that teacher cares about that child and how it's coming across.

And how do we keep working together on the positives and the strengths and not make people wrong? Nobody wants to be wrong. Everybody wants to be right. But we need to just keep having light shed on how we come across or how we land. Sometimes we don't know how we land with other people. And so feedback is not criticism.

And criticism can be feedback. I think that's how I want to say it. So I never take criticism as criticism is as bad as I feel. It's critical which means important and I feel it's feedback. That means how did I land with that person that I'm getting this reaction. What am I not seeing this person. How can I help develop the capacity of this person.

How can I contribute to helping this person be more effective? What have I done to interrupt that. Good. Better. Ugly. It's all feedback.

And feedback is information and we need information and I agreed. I do you think that.

When you're approaching a situation like what you've described that you're helping people to remember who they are. Right. Deep inside.

To be like the human that they aspire to be.

The minute any person, no matter what age, feels that you see them. Yeah.

You've got them. Not for your own purposes but you, you have empowered them. And so when you see that child, that teenager, when you see that adult you see what they're trying to do and you give them unconditional love and support for that. You know things bloom, things blossom. Things are positive. And it's not a it's not a any kind of punitive type discussion.

It's like it's development discussion. It's a discussion of heart and you grow people. And you grow relationships and you grow capacity.

It sounds like you cherish them. Good word.

So we started the answer to this question with you seeing yourself with new eyes and cherishing and drawing yourself out.

So that you can empower that capacity in you to see others, you know as this Chinese little girl I used to be so afraid of confrontation. I used to be so afraid of anybody telling me I was doing something wrong. I was petrified, but somehow I lost that. I lost that because of every conversation I have is a in power, is an empowerment conversation now?

And if they're coming at me with what could be construed by others as criticism, it's not personal. It's really not personal. It tells me where that person is. It tells me what's important to that person. Yeah. It tells me what's missing for that person. What that person needs. And then I can help fulfill that for them. I can help contribute to them.

It's always about. It's all about contributing. It's never about what I'm not doing. Doing. I'm that. Or, you know, you did something, Lori. And so tell me more about that. How did that land for you? Oh, I get it. Gotcha. That's fantastic, I love that. Remember, I'm safe. I'm sound. I've got that generational wealth that I can take these risks because nothing has hurt me where I have to protect myself all the time.

Right. You're right. What a gift it is. Yeah. Bless your grandparents and parents and parents and relatives. Yeah. Your extended family and theirs preceded them. Who prepared them to? To be that for a thousand years of Chinese history. Right. Yeah. That's right. That's right. What practices help you stay rooted in your values when the world feels overwhelming?

Oh, my couch.

And sofa. I love my sofa.

Music.

Cookies. Friends. Pretty much that. Yeah. So those are the practices. What are the values that you are nourishing while you're taking care of yourself with those practices.

Oh sure. Oh you know and here it is. Okay. I had I have a few models that I used to share with the kiddos all the time. Here's my value.

Actually, I had a written down on my desk at one point. Do all the good you can. Wherever you can, whenever you can. Because you can.

It's a really good mantra. Do all the good you can. Whenever you can, wherever you can because you can. And then the other one that I shared with kids all the time is, you know, they're coming to me with sob stories and it's hard and their parents and their friends and whatever.

It's hard, but it's not too hard. You can do it and I'll help you. I don't know how many thousands of times I told that to kiddos. Yeah it's hard. It's hard. But it's not too hard. You can do this and I can do this. I'll help you. We'll help you.

It sounds like within. Within that that practice and those values that you have a core belief in believing in other people and communicating that in the way that you embrace them on those moments, especially when they're having especially hard times.

Every human being wants to be good. Every human being wants to do their very best. Every human being wants to contribute to friends and family. Family and friends. Things get in the way. Things just get in the way. And when we can help mitigate what gets in the way and when we give them our trust that they can do it, that just buoys them.

That just expands them and just supports them. Someone believes me. Because we all know it only takes one adult to believe in a kiddo. Sometimes for that resiliency to, to kick in. Yeah. That's right. That's why our teachers are so important. And secretaries and custodians and every single person who has, you know, relationships with kids.

Yeah. Agreed. The whole school community. I mean I'm totally I'm a believer. I mean, I've been working with kids with kids since I was 16 years old till I retired. So it's been my life.

Well, in with what you're doing with Apic, you're working with young people to. So now I'm working mostly with adults. Yeah. With the kids too. What have you learned to love even when it is hard to.

Selfish people, self-centered people.

That's what I have to draw my little cartoon when I'm talking to people. I draw this little cartoon right. My head is a stick figure head or a stick head.

So I'm talking to people in a kind of a professional capacity.

And they're sharing whatever they're sharing and I think they're whatever. So I say things like thank you for sharing. That is so important. I really appreciate that. So out of the mouth of the little cartoon comes those words. The thought bubble that I draw in coming out of my head is like, what the fuck are you talking about?

I don't know who you are. What's going on. Shut up. But I say thank you. Let's work on this together. Blah blah blah. So lots of little cartoons like that. They amuse me.

So yes. And you follow what you say with actions that align with what you say. I'll never share my thought bubble with them. No, no. Maybe my close friends, you lean into the hard work. It's not hard. It's not hard. You just do it.

So this leads naturally, very organically to the next question. What does it mean to you to see? No stranger in your work?

We are all connected. Yeah. We are so connected. You know, the whole six degrees separation business that, you know, we really are connected human beings. We just haven't met each other yet. We haven't had time to spend together yet. I don't think there was a kiddo that I did not like that I've ever taught or ever had come through my school.

Maybe one time. But they're lovable. They're likable. We just haven't had time to meet everybody. Was that your question, my friend? Your question? What does it mean to you to see no stranger in your world or community? We're connected. We just haven't been able to spend time together yet. Yeah. I share that belief. You're, you're you're in my family.

Yeah. Now you're in my family. Yeah. Yeah. Has there been a moment.

Or what's a moment when you had to speak truth to power or protect what you love?

Yes. I was scared.

I won't tell you when this happened, but it did happen.

We had football coaches who were amazing men who gave time and money and heart and soul to the football players. You know, 60, 80 football players and some of the coaches felt that the way to motivate kids were to be very harsh in their speech with the kids. Very harsh, scream, yell bad words, insulting words, emasculating words.

What I felt would was violent, speech. So I heard it. Kids, once in a while I would report that to me. A parent reported that to me and.

This is not the way we raise young men. So finally, after a few attempts at getting this to be to stop and and not didn't stop. I called ten or so coaches into my office. Big men, tall men. Football player men. Me Chinese girl. Now, you know, 55, 60 years old, getting over my, you know, white male thing or just it wasn't it was lots of different kinds of people, but football coaches, I don't play football.

I'm not a sports person. Right. So I called in my office and I dressed them down. I mean I did the compassionate thing. I did the nice thing, I did the things. But I also got very angry with them. This is not do you want. How do we want to raise young men. You are their role models.

You may be the only male figure in their lives.

You are teaching them how to behave. Do you want them to behave with other people the way you're behaving with them? Never seen a bunch of grown big 200 pound men looking at the floor, you know, shuffling their feet. I felt like, I don't know why I felt like that. I was nervous.

But that speech came through with a dressing down, an anchor for me, which is unusual for me to actually yell at somebody. I was yelling, but also with compassion and heart and appreciating them and speaking to. How they may have been raised and how they need to stop the violent pattern of language with the young men who they are leading.

Yeah. And so these coaches are heart and soul. How do they treat young men? Maybe they're treated that way. Maybe they think that's the way they.

I don't know if it made a difference, to tell you the truth. They just know they didn't do it in front of me.

I would hope it made a difference. I could imagine that it made a big impact that it would have been for, for many of them that that moment of truth.

That you know when it lands, even if you want to deny it, it, it just, it strikes your heart and soul in a way that is undeniable and it changes. It does change you. And when truth like that lands within, it sets off all kinds of ripple effects in a way. This was, you know, you seeing them, you seeing their trauma behind who they were presenting.

And and pointing out to them that.

Perpetuating what they've known is not going to heal those wounds. I had no doubt they each love their players and had a heart for their players and for the work they were doing. Working for free or $0.02 an hour. Yet how did it land and what were they teaching. But would be here where he was, where they modeling.

So I don't know if that's truth to power. Yeah. It happened a lot on the dais you know as a school board trustee. It happened a lot as principal. It's happening now. As a leader, they pick.

Lots of opportunities to speak truth to power. Sometimes the power is the conditioning. It's not the person. I don't even like to use that term to. It's a power. Because for me, it's hard to understand. I really feel that it's feedback. Let's go back to feedback. The, how is that landing for other people? Yeah. What is behind what you're saying?

What assumptions are you making?

That I can, shed light.

You lead with curiosity and courage a lot is what I'm hearing in our conversation today. I never thought of it that way. I'm just noticing. How do you move through fear and exhaustion when the fight for justice feels heavy? Oh, there's my sofa again.

We've had this over. This is my little cartoon. I should publish a book. I have a great partner. We talk over things. I have great daughters. We talk over things. They launch their fantastic.

Friend groups, hikes. All the things that people do to to buoy themselves when they get tired. You know so many people don't have practices of self-care and, and self nurturing and, and and nourishing their hearts and souls. Oh and complaining. Don't forget that that's a part of yours. Yeah. Righteous venting. Okay. That's a that's nicer than complaining.

It's kind of like, oh my God. Okay. Roll up sleeves. Let's get back to it. There's, there's a place I think for that. Oh and then being irreverent it's like what the effin. Yeah. In this world. And then you laugh. Then you get back to it. Yeah.

What does it mean to you to fight with love? Not against people, but against injustice. Let's go back to. Everybody is trying their very, very best. Yeah. And let's work with that because they are bringing lots and lots to the table.

And when I get disappointed because you're not bringing more, I have to check myself. They're bringing you their very best. What roadblock is in the way that I can help remove. Do they need to be asked to. They just need to be invited. Sometimes that's all it needs to. They need to be invited because there's a need that they specifically can fill.

Because now they're going to be now they're important and now they're valued. So let me help create that space for them to jump into that space where they can contribute.

I mean I love how as we're talking through the these themes that, that, that keep being reinforced in the practice of you becoming more Laurie Fong with each, each thing that you do, each encounter that you have, you, you build on this.

Cultural generational wealth that you've inherited and embodied and share with your family and with the family of choice that is huge in your life. You, you you lead with believing in people and believing that everybody is doing their best. And you consistently get curious and courageous and compassionate. You know, one thing I think that I lack is like.

Care what people think about me. I don't so much care anymore. I don't think I've ever really cared too much. I broke a lot of rules growing up from being a good Chinese girl. Broke some rules.

Ran away to another state. Married a white guy who wasn't a doctor, lawyer, engineer. You know, partnered up with a woman. Speak my mind. That kind of stuff. It's like. So I broke all those rules. So I going back to feeling safe and having the privilege of feeling safe.

And learning about taking risks. I mean, I was teaching a bunch of, kids who are about ready to drop out of high school, these juniors, and we took them on a ropes course some years back.

These kids were all damaged. They all had something going on, which is why they weren't doing well in school. And we were slowly getting to their stories, slowly getting to their stories. We took them on a ropes course, took them up high in the trees. You know, you're all blade up and roped up and you're pretty safe. You got helmets and everything.

Took him out a little platform than they had to jump to reach the the ring and jump off the ledge.

I think only one of them could do it out of 14 kids. They could not do it. It was a physical manifestation of their fear, their safety, who they trusted. They could not do it. They were shaking. They're climbing back down the tree. We had to hold their hands. But you know what I did? It was so easy.

It's a physical manifestation about how safe you are. And they were not safe and they couldn't physically jump off that tree. At age 40 I could do it. That taught me and reminded me again about the resiliency that I've been blessed with. And you know these kids you know they got to have they got to be in our classrooms.

You know we try to contribute to their safety.

Do you know how some of those kids are doing now?

I do, I do. They're mostly doing well. They got around their lives and they're they're doing their lives. Yeah.

I learned a lot from them.

I learned how grounded they were, how grounded they were. We did some other physical things that I was learning, learning, learning. There's so ungrounded, they're easy to lift up. Okay. We did a lifting exercise. They're easy to lift up. And then we taught them how to ground themselves. And then all of a sudden, guess what. It got very heavy to lift up.

It's a phenomenon. I could not understand this phenomenon. They weigh the same 130 pounds and to 40 pounds, 120 you know, 175 when they weren't grounded we could lift two of us could, you know, lift them up. When they were grounded they were like steel plates couldn't lift up. Try it sometime. Wow. It's phenomenal. That taught me a lot about being grounded.

Right. About safety. Yeah. And fear and how it manifests in our bodies.

I'll try with you after. Okay. We will try that. That's powerful. What systems or narratives are you actively working to transform? Feel like you just began to answer this question. Hardest questions, but I feel like the story that you just told about this group of young men, is is related to this answer. You know, nobody tries to be mean to other people.

Generally speaking, nobody tries to be mean to anybody. We all want to help. We all have this giving gene. Everybody has it. Right. But then they get these these giving genes is helping genes just get taken up by trying to help yourself because you're so ungrounded or you've been so unsafe. Whatever happened to people as they're growing up.

For all the different reasons in this country. And we can't get into all of that. Right. Historical stuff.

That with families today. And so we got lost. My train of thought was the question systems or narratives. So how do we contribute to helping to make these people again safe. That they have a place to contribute and their contribution is so valuable.

That if they contribute, you know, this little bit my fingers are like an inch apart. Yeah. That is so valuable. If they contribute you know a mile. So valuable. It's kind of getting into that more what we're talking about now in terms of funding and community centered giving that kind of thing. How do we value every piece of what people can give us?

Because that's what they can give us. Right.

Yeah. That acceptance.

That we are one and that that everybody's contribution helps no matter what the contribution is. Time, talent, treasure. It all matters. Yeah. You are cherished. Maybe I'll start using that word.

How do you balance the part of you that wants to heal with the part of you that wants to resist?

I want to resist everything that I see that I don't like. And I will step in and say something because I can pick. And when my seven is now what have I got to lose. I'm healthy. I've got a pension. My kids don't really need me. I'm okay. So step in. It's okay. Whatever people say doesn't matter to me.

Except that I landed wrong. Did they not understand me? And that's on me. Let me go fix it.

Who or what helps you return to love when you feel disconnected or discouraged?

Family and friends. My partner. We talk. My daughter's friends.

Mostly it's me ranting and complaining and then like, okay, stop that, that's enough. And then dance in the kitchen and, you know, throw in some music. Do you have particular music that you that really speaks to your soul that gets you. Okay. On repeat this week just because it's happened this week, Chuck Mangione feels so good. He passed right.

That was a song that just that was a great album resonated with me at a certain time. So that's been on repeat for a while. I rediscovered Chuck Mangione a few months ago. And listening to that album, I just brought back so many wonderful memories and I think my new anthem, right now is Michael Franti.

Welcome to the family. I don't know that one.

Check it out. Okay. Welcome to the family. Right where you belong. All the things that have happened to you. You're still in the family. Wow. So true. Yeah. So true. That would that would to Michael Franti Reground me and make me feel well connected again.

But what does revolutionary love look like in action, in your leadership, in your relationships and in the work that you do in in the community? Cold calling elected officials. Cold calling the police and say, what the hell is going on with this family that just got beat up in our community at the end of May? Who's saying anything?

Who's paying attention? I don't know who's paying attention. They're saying no one's paying attention. Just pay some attention. Speaking in front of city council, calling up supervisors, sending out emails to people. We're going to have dinner together. What do you want to do? You know we're not going to solve this. All we're going to do is build community.

All I want to do is build community. So this couple feels they have a community behind them because they don't. And so if the only thing that comes out of this is that more people know them and they now have a community than that. That's revolution. That is all we need. That is all we need. We're not going to change racism through this incident.

So this is the incident where a black man was was beat up, right, right. By some youth. And let's talk about the youths. Let's take a look at that. Connections in the educational world for me. But it's not just education it's community right. It's the whole society. We can't save schools. You have to take care of this.

Everybody has a piece. How can we. How is it that some kids feel that it's socially acceptable to use racist words as casual speech? And how do we interrupt that?

Over and over again so that it's. They get it? Yeah.

You've brought us brought us back around again to seeing people, seeing seeing the pain behind the behavior, the trauma behind the behavior. Always meeting them where they are. And I love that you're your your your heart draws you to care for the couple who were wounded in that attack. And also to the young people who caused that harm and and how you're meeting both with the same loving intentions, different strategies, different things you're curious about and want to accomplish.

But still the same part of compassion that you're making available to both. So we take a look at these these young men. We we kind of know who they are. And some research. So we, we kind of know who we are. We don't know where we are on the investigation. But I bet if, if any of us got any one of these kids alone in a room and talking to them about what they did, they would hang their head, they would know it's wrong.

They would know they got caught up. They would try never to do it again. What did they need at that moment? That they participate in the beating of another man, of a man, you know, six and one, seven on one five minute five. No bystander intervention.

what is going on with those those youth. That this happened that they were able to do this. Yeah. And then everybody else is scared. Right. So we say well nobody intervened. We're blaming the crowd. We can't blame the crowd. They're afraid.

So harm has been done. How do we restore.

And one way to restore is to help the couple feel that. Yes. There's a community that cares. And another way to restore is on the other end when we, when we get into the, the punishment or that the outcome of any kind of assault related and citations that we do restorative work. Right. Yeah.

Yeah. That is revolutionary.

It's not though. It's not it's not new. We've been doing this for generations.

You were doing this when you're 20s. This is. People have been doing this all along. It's just now. We're doing it now. We're doing it now because we need it now. But we also did it yesterday. We also did it last year. We also did it 15 years ago, 20 years ago and so on. It's just now we're doing it now because it's important now to the people now.

It feels like a revolutionary act to, to actually illuminate that. We know we know what the I hate to say the right thing to do is but we, we know what the call of love is because we've done it before.

We, we just forgot or we've gone. We haven't forgotten. We just there are different instances or different people step in to do different things. Period. So it's not, you know I don't think it's revolutionary. It's just like is there an opportunity. Can you contribute. Step in. Yeah. That's not revolutionary. It's common.

People do it every day. Well and maybe that's maybe that's what needs to be lifted up. When you see someone try to cross the street and you're stopping because everyone else is, you know, driving right past them. That's something common. That's love. That's compassion that counts. Yeah. You know, you pay for somebody. What so many ways to to be in living compassion with human beings in our community.

Yeah. And every piece counts. Yeah. Yeah. Agreed. Agreed.

a lot of the context for these questions comes from Valerie.

Cause work with No Stranger and the Revolutionary Love Project. And her second book, Sage Warrior and Staging, can look like doing nothing but with sage and really is is going within, first to awaken ourselves to that, knowing that we are inherently interconnected with one another, that we are all we are one. Yeah. And what what,

What I am embodying right now may be unknown to you, but I'm. I'm a part of you. You have not yet met. That's all. And when we begin to take care of ourselves, tend our wounds, grieve, celebrate.

Those are the things that we need to do within so that we can activate.

Become the warrior when we need to be the warrior. Informed by all those different ways that we've learned about ourselves and the world around us. I'm going to respond in this way to that, and I might be missing your point. One of the things I get to do as a president of Epic is I get to write a president's message for each of our newsletters, which comes out monthly.

I get to say whatever the hell I want.

And for a long time it's kind of been like, all this anti-Asian hate. You know, we're not we're being overlooked. You know that kind of stuff. No one's paying attention to us. And finally, last month I wrote about I am done saying that stuff. We're done being the victim. We're done feeling sorry for ourselves. Yes. The stuff is going on.

What do you know? What do we do from now on? So let's remember, we have a long history of all the different Asian cultures of, you know, contributing, of being brave, of being.

Entrepreneurs resilient. And let's celebrate that. Let's keep working on that. So I switched my tone of this last one. And now I get to talk about how do we keep contributing. How do we uplift? How do we find those folks who don't have a voice because they hide, they live in secrecy. They live in fear. And how does our organization empower each of us to contribute in that way?

So enough of the woe is us business. More of that. Okay. Let's activate. Let's become warriors. So I've changed my tune. I've been doing this for a year and a half. Yeah. President here it enough. It's evolutionary right. It's that word again. Evolutionary. Evolutionary I like that one. Evolutionary. Yeah. Well keep learning. Right? Right. Yeah, yeah.

It's it's it's iterative. Right. How we learn and grow and shift our mindsets and.

Renew ourselves. Become reborn. And and each time we go through that process, I feel like we get the opportunity to not only discover, you know, what's happening now with new eyes. We also get to draw from that wisdom of the past and bring that to light on what's happening. Yeah. Okay.

What kind of future are you hoping to build? And your, what's your role in it?

You know, I think.

All I can do is continue to just live the way I think is a correct way of living as a human being, and be a model for anybody who wants to pay attention, period, and help people along their own journey. That's, you know, I'm not controlling anybody's future.

I'm not directing anybody. It's just kind of like, okay, here's a model. I can do it. Maybe you can do it. Or maybe here's the way you can do it. And maybe here's some food for you, too, because cooking for people is fun for me.

I don't have any, Desire to dictate a future for anybody. But I do want to make sure that I have contribute to that person's well-being and that person's, capacity to empower themselves and to activate to do the best that they can. That's my job. That's my self side job. That was my paid job. And now it's my unpaid job.

That's beautiful. I mean it your purpose.

Feels like listening to you.

Is, is to help people become who they really are.

Right. What barriers are there that are keeping you from doing your very, very best? And how can I bring you up to just make sure that you get to be the very best person you can be and contribute in all the ways that you want to contribute. Have you ever thought of yourself as a midwife?

No. No. Just that brought up so many pictures in my head. Oh.

Facilitation just you know, it's a word that we use a lot and, you know, business and community engagement. But midwife thing.

Feels truer. You know. Okay, so you use that word. I'm considering it. But mostly I know that I'm a teacher. I mean, that I am a teacher. Yeah. And a teacher is somebody who really makes sure that you can help somebody understand somebody grow somebody, tap their creativity and get stronger so they can do their very best. So when I present things or when I create meetings, it's always about how do I empower the people in that meeting or the people in the presentation.

It's all about helping people understand and giving them entry points. So I really consider in all the different jobs I have, I just, teacher, I don't mind.

Perfect. What's one lesson that you hope others will carry forward from your journey?

It's hard. It's not too hard. And you can do it.

And we need you.

Writing this down.

You can do it. And we need you.

That's great. What's your message to others who are just beginning to awaken their inner sage warrior?

You know, I know a lot of people need to have quiet time, and they need to withdrawn to themselves to protect their time and to protect themselves. And I'm understanding that. But I also know that when you are empowered and when you feel.

Safer, maybe you need less of that time. You need less protection.

When you need less protection, you're able to go step out and do more things.

And so how do we keep contributing to people so that they feel safer?

And they feel more safe. They're able to contribute more because they're not always protecting themselves. And that protection could be you know, food safety, housing security you know abuse. What all the different ways that people feel unsafe. And the little bit that word becomes overused I don't feel safe. It becomes a little bit overused. But that's a there's a message there.

Why aren't they feeling safe. What is it that that we're doing that is causing that? And how can we contribute to people's well-being so that they are freed up to do more of what they want to do?

Liberated.

What is, one small, calm thing you do or witness that reminds you we were made for these times. What is one small calm? What did you say? Yeah. Calm thing. One small thing that I do. Or witness that remind you that we were made for these times. We were made for these times.

Okay. This sounds a little cynical. My generation we are used to carrying signs. We are used to marching. And back in the day I was used to being teargassed.

I know we need bodies out on the front lines so we can show each other that, yeah, there are people there who are resisting. But I am up to here. Top of my head, standing around with a sign at Courthouse Square. Talking to my friends. Done with that. I'd rather be cold calling those elected officials to intervene with whatever is going on.

Something active I, I think for me was this whole thing with the, with the government going on. I don't read the paper as much. I used to, I just can't stand reading the news. I try not to read the news. I keep track of what's going on. So my whole, my whole mantra again is you can think globally, pay attention, but you better act locally because that's the only thing we can do right now.

Help each other. Act locally. So epic is a big part of that. Yeah. What can I do for epic? So I'd rather be there doing something for epic or for a family, or some other family, or some of the other individual, versus making a sign and standing for two hours at Courthouse Square. So that's a little cynical, but that's all.

That's that's where I live right now. I don't think that's cynical. I think that's smart. You know, appreciation to people who go there. What if nobody went? There ain't 100%. And and if that's the those are the steps that you took to get you to what you're working on now, what your focus is now on and that was just part of the path that you needed to get you there.

But I really appreciate the leadership work that you're doing with epic. And I want to invite you to talk about what the Asian American Pacific Islander Coalition in Sonoma County is and what what its, what its goals are, what its purpose is, so that other folks know and can get active with you. In Sonoma County, 5% of the population is AAPI.

There have been more times than I can count that I've been mistaken for somebody else, or this somebody knows me. Farmer's market people regularly come up to me and say, hi, I know you, we've met at a party and I know I never went to that party. And it's kind of like, do I look like every other single, you know, Asian woman in Iran?

So that's the cynical part of me. But Apic was started four years ago at the start of Covid, in light of the anti-Asian hate that was growing.

It was a little unfocused, unformed, but the people started it. Back then, I was a very peripheral part of it. But since then, in the four years we have since coalesced into an organization that really works to celebrate the Asian cultures here in this county.

That's actually number two. Number one is to mitigate the isolation that the Asians face here. A lot of isolation. They just when we talk to them, it's kind of like they feel isolated. They don't feel a part of anything. They're not even a part of each other's cultures. They're just very hidden. Also, 60% of the AAPI here in Sonoma County are foreign born, which is a phenomenal number, which just smacked me over the head.

I didn't know that. As an ABC American born Chinese, I was not aware of that. But now I am. And knowing, you know, I get to work a lot with the immigrant community. So we work to mitigate the isolation and we work to celebrate the heritage. And we advocate and we got to figure out what are the secret things going on where nobody is trying to access resources, you know, so the county puts that resources.

The cities put out resources, the nonprofits put out resources. They all don't have enough AAPI who avail themselves of the resources because everyone AAPI stay in the family. It's in the family. Keep it in the family. Don't tell anybody anything. So our job is to help.

Crack that open and make available those resources. So a lot of nonprofits, government, they're coming to us to help them figure out how do we how do we, work together? How can we share our resources, how can we help people access our resources? So that's what we're doing. We're working on immigrant rights. You know, know your rights, safety.

We're working to network the API business people, who are entrepreneurship is a way is a tried and true historical way for every immigrant to join the economic mainstream. We're working in the health sector, behavioral health, mental health, because people don't go to the doctor, don't talk about anything, and we're talking about a lot of abuse going on at home.

A domestic abuse that has in our county has resulted in death because. It's misunderstood. And then our youth who are high, high numbers based on, you know, data that the educational institutions have high levels of anxiety.

Low levels of seeking counseling help, high suicide ideation rates. And it has to do with parental pressure.

That is, for the most part, not talked about yet there we scratched any AAPI kid, spent any five minutes with them scratches. There's a little bit. It's there. There's incredible pressure there. So we're working on that too. So those are four things that we're working on immigration, business networking, health access and information and use support.

And we have the festival,

a pan-Asian festival called The Many Moons Festival.

And it's to do everything the Apic wants to do reduce isolation, celebrate heritage, bring us together.

We don't want to be an exotic show. We want to be. We calling people in to share. Share, share in our cultures.

Share with us.

First ever pan-Asian festival in the whole North Bay. Wow. That's incredible. Many happen down in Santa Clara Peninsula, San Francisco. Lots of Asians down there. But our isolated population up here, that's what we're going for. That's really cool.

Laurie, thank you for, taking the time to have this conversation together today with me. Thank you for sharing your, your wisdom, your thanks for all those hard questions. Lisa. Well, I don't know.

This is all a learning experience. Our cartoon about you, it's a first, you know. Yeah. Okay. Thanks for your good work, Lisa. Really. Thanks. I like I say, I just follow you around. Well, I'm grateful for, for you in my life all these years, your, brave example. I'm very lucky. Yeah. And now we know why.

Thank you. Thank you for sharing all that.

So folks thanks for listening. We're grateful that you've joined us in community today and that you believe just like we do, in the importance of building belonging, resilience and justice in this region. We know it will have ripple effects across the state and across the country and around the world. So your presence is really meaningful and we're very grateful for it.

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